MarySue A Parody
by gamegeek2
Summary: Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Ma
1. The Train Ride to Hogwarts

**Author:** _gamegeek2_  
**Category:** _Humour, Parody_**  
Spoilers:** _PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP_**  
Rating:** _PG13_

**Summary:-** _Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Malfoy, Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and many more!_

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me; I haven't got enough money as it is.

Yes, this story is a parody of Mary-Sues. An outragously mispelled parody, with a bizzare plot-line. But, if you happen to like outragously misspelled parodies with bizzare plot-lines, and are absolutely insane, then please read and review!

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**Mary-Sue; A Parody**

_Chapter One - The Train Ride to Hogwarts_

Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape looked up at the immacuatly clean, pink ceiling as she lay on her plush purple and pink silk bedsheets. She flicked her pink, glossy locks back from her head and grinned excitedly, her 32, perfect, straight, glistening white teeth could be seen from over a mile away.

"I'm going to Hogwarts today!" Celicia Fleur Sel-- er, Celicia exclaimed happily, with a slight American accent. "Even though I should already be enrolled in an American school, as I'm obviously American, I'm going to transfer into Hogwarts for no apparent reason!"

Also for no apparent reason, she closed her eyes, and with hardly any concentration, Celicia was suddenly clad in a pair of slightly-heeled pink sandals, an extremely short bright pink mini-skirt, and a shiny pink belly-top, which revealed her purpley-pink belly-button ring.

"Aah, the agony I'd be in without pink!" Celicia shook her head to rid the angsty thoughts that filled her mind. "Anyway, I'd better see where I've got to go, to get transported to Hogwarts."

Celicia waggled her eyebrows, and looked down at her train-slip which appeared out of thin air, or more accurately, by Celicia's advanced and perfected wandless magic that she caused by simply waggling her perfectly-plucked, pink eyebrows. 'Platform 9 & 3/4' the train ticket read.

Celicia blinked, and a second later, she appeared onto what was a platform filled with hundereds of both young, innocent children, and rebellious teenagers, all impatiently waiting to board onto the red train that was stationary on the tracks, who were all embarressadly being kissed and hugged by their mothers, and wishing to get away.

Celicia had successfully apparated right next to the school train. Although she was underage (only 16), she had received special permission from the U.S. Ministry of Magic to take her apparition test one year early. For you see, her Mom was a professional auror, who worked for the U.S. MoM. Gabrielle Glacia Tifa Rachelle Snape (Celicia's mother) had tracked down many Life-Spewers, - the American equivilent of Death-Eaters - captured them, and had thrown them into Nabakza, amongst the Demembers, Dementoids, and Dismembers.

So, in return for Gabrielle Glacia Tif-- uh, Gabrielle's good work, the U.S. MoM allowed Celicia to take her apparition test at the young but ripe age of 16. Of course, Celicia had passed the test on her first try, as she was so brilliant and powerful.

She boarded the scarlet train, with her lugagge which was pretty non-existant up until now, and opened up some full compartments, until she found one which consisted of six people; a raven-haired, muscular, rather-tanned boy, with glistening emerald eyes (that had contact lenses in) which she easily lost herself in; an ugly hag-faced bushy-brown-haired freaky girl, who actually looked quite friendly, despite the 'fuglyness' of her features; a red-haired, blue-eyed idiotic-looking male; some fat retard of a boy; a dreamy-looking, straggly dirt-blond haired weirdo of a girl; and finally, a beautiful and glamouress- _but not as sexy as myself, _Celicia thought correctly - girl, again with red hair, and warm chocolate-brown eyes.

"Can I please join you?" Celicia asked the people in the compartment politely. "For you see, all of the other compartments are full, and I just wished to sit somewhere other then that bleak, dim corridor out there. It could seriously do with some redecorating - possibly a pink, wooden floor, or something like that."

"S--sure," the idiotic-looking red-haired male answered. "C-come and sit in here...Next t-to me?" he looked at Celicia hopefully.

"Nah, soz, I've got a diesease; if I sit next to a guy with an IQ less then 10, then I'd gain some buboter-pus filled postules which'd spring up all over my delicate porceline-like and attractive features; you wouldn't want that to happen, would you?" Celicia asked sweetly.

"'Course not!" he shook his head vigouressly. The hag-faced girl rolled her eyes, and shot a hate-filled glare at Celicia.

"Sorry for being blunt, but what's your name, and where are you from?" the hag questioned her. "You clearly don't go to Hogwarts, I can tell that from your accent. I'm supposing American?"

"Yup," Celicia answered. "American. American mother, English father. Dunno what happened to my father, or even who he is! All I know is that my mom says that he looks like a greasy-haired git. Oh, and my name is Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape. Yours?"

The six people gaped at her. "S-s-snape!?"

"Yeah..What's wrong with my eleventh and last name?"

"Nothing," the brown-haired girl said to her companions, rather then to Celicia. "It could just be a coincidence..."

Celicia frowned; _what_ could be a coincidence (and more importantly, _why _was she confused!?) ? What could be so amazing about her last name? It surely wasn't interesting at all, unlike her other 10 names . Shaking her head, she asked once again, "Speaking of names...?"

"Oh yes," the fat retard piped up suddenly. "My name's Neville Longbottom, this is Luna Lovegood," he pointed somewhat longily at the dreamy-looking weirdo, as longily as a point can get. "That's Ginny Weasley," he pointed towards the beautiful scarlet-haired girl, "He's Ron Weasley, Ginny's brother, she's Hermione Granger, and last but not least, he's Harry Potter." the fatto indicated everyone else.

"Oh my god! Harry Potter!? He's such a handsome hunk!" Celicia squeed sexily - she squeed sexily, as no _perfect_ Mary-S- err, woman could squee annoyingly.

She blushed like the setting sun right then, for she just realised that she had squeed aloud. "Erm...Oopsie?" she apologised softly to THE Harry Potter. He smiled back at her, rather handsomely, which caused Ginny to narrow her eyes angrily at Celicia.

"That's alright..For some extremely weird, bizzare and unexplainable reason, I don't mind annoying Mary-Sues and fan-brats suddenly squeeing over me, and - to quote one of the fan-brats - wanting to 'bcum mi galfreiund, mak mad luv 2 mi, & av all mi baybiez!!one!11-30-FOUR!'. So, Celicia, now that you've gotten over your 'OMG liek, hes SOO sexee!' stage, will you pretty please sit in my lap for yet another extremely weird, bizzare and unexplainable reason?"

_/OMG, liek hes SOO sexee! & hes askin mi if i wanna sit in is LAP!!!11one!!1 dO THE HAPPY DANCE!! / _Celicia squeed to herself, clearly happy that the famous Harry Potter asked her if she wanted to sit in his lap.

"of courz haree!111one!!1! i wanna av ur bay--AHEM! Of course, Harry, I'd _love_ to sit on your lap!" Cecilia's long, glossy pink curls flew behind her as she basically sprinted towards Harry, even though they were only about a metre or two away from eachother. She practically jumped - gracefully - onto his lap.

If looks could kill, Ginny Weasley would've murdered Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianithelle Claireisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape a billion times, with the extra help of a chainsaw.

"Um, Harry, what is that thing poking me in the small of my creamy and smooth back?" Celicia asked Harry uncertainly.

"That, is my 'unspoken thing', Celicia." he replied, a mischievious grin plastered onto his tanned, Gary-Stu like um, and oh-so-sexy face.

Celicia grinned back, and found Harry's face swimming closer and closer toward hers - closer..closer..

Celicia pressed her lips against his, and found a thrilling sensation flooding all throughout her body. Harry moaned in the back of his throat, enjoying the pleasure from the Mary---CELICIA, and lifted his hand towards the back of her head, guiding her face even closer to his.

Ron looked at the two of them sadly, wishing that he could be in the place of Harry; he wondered if he would ever get to wildly snog a girl as beautiful as her.

Hermione looked both amused, and depressed at the same time; whenever would Ron do that to her, and perhaps even more?

Neville looked like he wanted to join in with the fun.

Luna...Well, Luna wasn't paying attention to the couple; she was just reading the Quibbler upside-down, which had mysteriously materialized out of thin air.

And Ginny...To put it in a nice way, she was absolutely raving mad at Celicia.

If looks could kill, Ginny Weasley would've murdered Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape an _infinate_ amount of times, with the extra help of a chainsaw _and _a meat cleaver.

Celicia, after finishing an un-important game of tonsil-hockey, settled back comfortably into her seat. _This year is going to be absolutely full of adventures!_ she thought excitedly, whilst absently stroking Harry's wondefully soft, jet-black hair, and, uh, his 'unspoken thing'.

---

Fellow GAFFers, you get brownie points if you can spot the god-awful HP fanfiction references in this chapter! There's three in all!


	2. The sorting, and the new DADA teacher: D...

**Author:** _gamegeek2_   
**Category:** _Humour, Parody_**   
Spoilers:** _PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP_**   
Rating:** _PG13_

**Summary:-** _Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Malfoy, Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and many more!_

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me; I haven't got enough money as it is.

A/N - Okay, if you didn't get the GA references, then here are the titles!

**they dont know how it happened **by** hpcutie89 - **_Reference - 'unspoken thing'   
_**Agony In Pink - **_Look in the God Awful Fanfiction (w w w . godawful . n e t /forums) 'Golden Oldies' thread. Reference - 'Aah, the agony I'd be in without pink!'   
_**Monopoly, Anyone? **_- Fanfiction deleted. Search for 'Monopoly, Anyone?' at GA. Reference -__/OMG, liek hes SOO sexee! & hes askin mi if i wanna sit in is LAP!!!11one!!1 dO THE HAPPY DANCE!! /_

And to end  this author's note, let me just say a load of thanks to _Almighty Shortest, Atresica_ and _Naurin_! Also, NO thanks to_ HaRry-oBssed _for 'reviewing' my story because I tried to help you with your Mary-Sue. And, please take note of the 'Mary-Sue; A PARODY' title. Notice the word 'parody'?

I guess I'll shut up now. Please read and review!

* * *

**Mary-Sue; A Parody   
**_Chapter 2 -  The sorting, and the new DADA teacher: Darthy_

The Hogwarts train slowed down to an abrupt halt. Celicia and Harry opened the compartment door to reveal the glaring face of Draco Malfoy who had never existed until now, even though he should have made a cutting remark at Harry somewhere on the train ride.

"Aah, Potty," he sneered. "And the W--" Draco's features softened slightly as he saw the beautiful, long pink-haired girl, with curves all in the right places. He looked her up and down, savouring the delicious features on her face; the shy smile, plastered on her full, red lips; her delicate, perfect nose, with afew freckles scattered across the top of it; her pink-tinted cheeks; and her eyes. Her silver-violet eyes that changed colour depending on her moods. Oh, how Draco _loved _those eyes!

"And the Wonderful, sexy girl!" he practically purred. "Please, do, tell me your name! My name is Draco Malfoy!" he greeted the Wonderful, sexy girl with a tip of his ha-- er, his new, shiny hat that his mum gave him as a leaving gift.

"Pleased to meet you, Draco!"she smiled beautificially at him. "My name is Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fu-"

"No, Celicia!" Harry screamed at her. "Don't think of saying anything to that snobby, upperclass Death-Eater prick!" Harry grabbed Celicia's shoulders, and dragged her away from Draco. "And you!" he turned around, and shouted to Draco. "You, stay away from my girlfriend!"

Draco watched Celicia as Harry led her away to the magnificent, old, beautiful castle which was called Hogwarts, even though they should've boarded the Thestral-driven carriage. For you see, Celicia had wandlessly transported them just outside of Hogwarts.

_Damn that bastard! _ he narrowed his eyes angrily._ He ALWAYS gets what I want! Pissing, Potty-head, pig-faced prick!_ _I swear, if it's the last thing I do on Earth, that I'll get Celicia for myself! I'll do _anything _to get her, even if it includes giving up my Death-Eater rank!_  he contiued thinking, with a _slight_ hint of foreshadowing.

With an incredibly heavy heart, Draco turned away from the transported forms of Harry and Celicia, and made his way silently, slowly, and angstly towards the school carriages.

* * *

Celicia looked dreamily up at the building which she was about to enter. It was magnificent! The grey, pulchritudinous walls were carved admirably, and with almighty excellence. The lake which surrounded the astonishing castle was a calming, turquoise blue, with streaks of delicate, silver moonlight reflecting upon it. 

Harry smiled handsomely at her. "Shall I take you inside, Celicia?" he asked, offering his hand. "Celicia." he uttered softly, his tongue carressing her name, if it was ever possible for someones tongue to stroke a name.

"Yes, Harry," she whispered in the cool night air, taking his soft hand in her own. "But I need to go to McGoonagull straight away, and line up with the other first-years that should be arriving later." she spoke with an infinite amount of knowledge about Hogwarts, even though she was an American transfer-student, and shouldn't know these things. But, she _was_ a Mary-S-- _err,_ she _was _perfect.

"Oh yeah," Harry said sadly, "I forgot all about Macgunnagolll, and you having to line up with the first-years. I was hoping we could skip the beginning feast, and do some quick snogging up in the Astronomy Tower."

"Me too..." Celicia sighed. "But, I've got to go; the first-years are here now, with that buffoon, Haggard."

Harry's eyes flashed angrily for a moment, and then out-of-a-trance-like, but then his features returned to normal as Celicia spoke once more.

"Cya, for abit, Harry!" she said, her voice with a slight _tent_ of an American accent.

"Bye, Celicia!" he called back to her, watching her flawless body run towards the entrance hall where mcgunagol and the First-Years were standing, boy's eyes ogling the beautiful, older girl that was effortlessly travelling towards them.

"Hello, Professor McGonaGal!" Celicia greeted the older Professor warmly. "You're probally wondering why such a perfect girl like me should come to this beautiful-yet-rubbish school like this!"

"No, I actually wasn't," Minerva narrowed her eyes at Celicia. "I was wondering why Ms. Full-Of-Herself was enrolling at an English school called Hogwarts, instead of staying at The Salem Witches Institute." she questioned.

"Oh, well, you know, I've got to, um, er, go on some transfer-student things, and, well, Salem Witches selected me, and, I got to transfer to Hogwarts."

"Right..." McMoogle said, not believing Celicia's story. "And who from Hogwarts is travelling to The Salem Witches Institute, then?"

"Ermm..." Celicia wracked her brain for a person she knew enrolled in Hogwarts. "N--Neil Shortass!" she shouted. "No, no, Nick Lungbum! Nope, not that...It's Nevillia Longbottom-chan! Darn, not that either...Stupid Japanese words...Um...I know! He's Neville Longbottom!" satisfied with her answer, she relaxed, and a smile played about her moonlit face.

"Neville Longbottom, you say? I wonder how such a clumsy boy is going to find his way about in America." mAcGONAGOL said to herself rather then Celicia, as she was now believing Mary's-- Celicia's utterly believable story.

"Well, go and line up with the First-Years then. I'm sure Dumbledore will allow you to be accepted straight into sixth year; you're extremely intelligent, so you don't have to take your O.W.L.s. Did you join C.R.A.P. last year, though?"

Celicia nodded; she remembered joining the Committee to Repudiate Abused Punctuation despite the wishes of her only two enemies; a brown-haired, hazel-eyed, short freak of a girl called gamegeek2, and a weirdo - an insane grammar and punctuation freak - called Cricket.

"Good, good." McTabby smiled at Celicia. "You're obviously very high in academic education. Now, please join the First-Years!"

Celicia obeyed McDonald's command and lined up behind a green-haired, cross-eyed midget, who is absolutely irrevelent to this story.

The First-Years then began entering the Great Hall. Just before Celicia could be seen by the occupents of the Great Hall, she looked around at her surroundings. Five long tables occupied the massive space inside the room, all with thousands of candles shining brightly above them, floating in the air. Four of those five tables were laid with glittering golden goblets and plates. The seats and tablecloths were decorated in magnificent colours; green, red, yellow, and blue, and she wondered what they signified. Or rather, she _knew_ what the colours signified.

Hundereds of people sat in seats, looking extraordinarily bored. Until they saw her.

Boy's mouths opened, saliva escaping, rolling down their chins; their eyes were bulging from their sockets rather alarmingly. Girls scowled at the new girl, as they were obviously jealous of her looks, except for one girl in particular.

This girl, was Blaise Zabini. She recently had a sex-change for no apparent reason. Although, that reason could be that her father bullied her into having one, since she was mistaken a  hell of alot of times for being a girl.

Even though her appearence was now of a girls, she still secretly fancied girls, such as Pansy Parkinson, Cho Chang and Hermione Granger.

But now, she had a crush on one specific girl; Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape.

But, who cares about Blaise Zabini? Nobody.

So, after everyone in the Great-Hall stopped ogling and scowling at Celicia, macgunalge stepped into the Great Hall, even though she should've been there anyway.

In MaCfuwjle's hands, was a four legged stool, with a pointed wizards hat lying ontop of it. She silently and carefully laid the stool down upon the Great Hall's floor. All of the First-Years looked nervously at the torn, black hat. Suddenly, a rip opened near the brim of the hat, and the hat began to sing:

_You may belong in Gryffindork,   
Where the great and mighty dwell,   
Or you could be in Dufflepuff,   
Where the losers in there smell._

_You could be in Slythering,   
Where the cunning and daring reside,   
Or perhaps in Ravingclaw,   
Where most boffins have always lied._

_And last, but not least, you could be in Gryfflerilaw,   
Where only the best can go,   
As you're loyal, strong, cunning, and intelligent,   
You've got all of your powers to show!_

_So, unite together forever,   
Until the end of time,   
First, because it's for the plot-line,   
And lastly, it's 'cos the author's lazy to rhyme. _

Everyone in the Great-Hall burst into loud applause that moment, including the now smiling faces of the previously scared-to-death First-Years. Celicia was beaming, but also worried; would she go into Hufflepuff? That would be very bad for her reputation. She hoped that she would go into Gryfflerilaw; afterall, that _was _the best house out of the other four that the Sorting Hat named.

Celicia was shook out of her thoughts as McGoongle read out a name from the top of a piece of yellowing parchment.

_Adolf, Hitler!_ she called. Hitler stepped up towards the Sorting Hat, spat on it, and kicked it off of the four-legged stool. He screamed something incorherrent whilst afew of the Hogwarts Staff members dragged him away.

Rolling her eyes, mackenzie continued on with the list of people. It went from _Asswiper, Uran _to _Nobody, Irma. _Then, Celicia was next, as you see, five letters of the alphabet mysteriously disappeared.

_Snape, Celicia!_ McG0N/-G01 called, her voice reverbarating off of the walls of the enormous Great Hall.

Gasps were heard, when Celicia walked foward. She swayed her hips seductively, as she walked towards the frayed Sorting Hat. With grace, she sat down silently, whilst putting the Sorting Hat upon her head. It fit perfectly.

_Aaah,_ the Sorting Hat thought to her, _You're extremely powerful, cunning, loyal, and intelligent, so I'll just place you in **Gryfflerilaw! **because we all know that you're going to end up defeating Voldemort! _The part in bold was directed towards the occupents of the Great Hall.

Everyone cheered. All of the teachers. All of the people at the Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff tables. They all applauded and screamed and whistled because Mary-Sue-- erm, **Celicia** was not only the traits of all of their houses combined; it was because, naturally, in a parody of a Mary-Sue (in this case, Celicia), _everyone_ loves her!

Celicia grinned and curtsied, just before she sat at a table which she magically conjured. She wandlessly summoned two chairs - from somewhere - and sat down in one of them, whilst looking pointedly at Harry, and then to the chair. Harry walked down towards the two-seated table, robes billowing, and sat down in a comfortable, plush, pink chair. He gave Celicia a little peck on the cheek, and whispered to her, "I knew you'd get into Gryfflerilaw; you're so brilliant, and you definatly deserve it."

"Thanks," she smiled beatifically at him.   
"You're welcome," he replied.   
"Damn!" Harry cursed. "That blathering old fool, Dum-Dum-Bore is speaking again!"

_"Blah, blah, blah, _Filch now has a list of 8453 items which are currently banned from Hogwarts, _blah, blah, blah, _Forest is restricted_ , blah, blah, blah, _Celicia, as you may have seen is a new transfer student,_ blah, blah, blah, _Darth Vader is our new DADA teacher, _blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, _Blubbering Nitwits make Odd Tweaks.

Suddenly, a loud noise was then heard from outside the Great Hall door, which was then thrust abruptly open, to reveal the black armour clad body of Darth Vader.

"Anybody home?!" he shouted into the Great Hall. "Brilliant! I'm your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher! Anyone want some cookies?" he asked, lifting up a tray full with heart and bear-shaped chocolate chip cookies.

Celicia rolled her eyes. _Darth Vader,_ she thought, as she remembered the movies of Star Wars (even though she shouldn't have electricity, she had designed a Wizard TV, which ran off of Eckeltricitree, the wizaring equivilent of electricity), _has truly gone MENTAL._

* * *

I hope you liked this chapter! If you're wondering how many GAFF references there are this time, then there's three, again! But, this time, I'll explain one of them, and the C.R.A.P. acronym. 

_tent_ - In a badfic, there was a line which said, 'my eyes had a red tent in them'. 

C.R.A.P. - On godawful. n e t , there is a group called C.R.A.P. -- the Comitee to Rescue Abused Punctuation. The founder is called Cricket, and I'm a proud member (my name is gamegeek2 on the boards)! :D

Please, remember to read & review!


	3. Celicia's 'Prefection'

**Author:** _gamegeek2_   
**Category:** _Humour, Parody_**   
Spoilers:** _PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP_**   
Rating:** _PG13_

**Summary:-** _Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Malfoy, Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and many more!_

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me; I haven't got enough money as it is.

**A/N **- I spelt 'commity' wrong. Twice. See? I spell atrociously! Anyway, onto more important issues; the fanfic-mocking in the previous chapter. I forgot the names of the GA titles, so I'll just name the references, okay?:) Oh, yeah; I mis-counted. There werefive fanfic-bashing references!

**Time-travelling - Adolf Hitler comes to Hogwarts - **_Reference - Adolf, Hitler!_ _McGoongle called. Hitler stepped up towards the Sorting Hat, spat on it, and kicked it off of the four-legged stool. He screamed something incorherrent whilst afew of the Hogwarts Staff members dragged him away._

**Differently Spelt Names 1 - _Badly spelt fanfics in general _**_-__Reference - McGoonagull, Macgunnagolll, McGonaGal (caps lock), McMoogle, mAcGONAGOL, McTabby, McDonald, macgunalge, MaCfuwjle, McGoongle, and McG0N/-G01._

**Differently Spelt Names 2 **_-__Reference - Neil Shortass, Nick Lungbum, and Nevillia Longbottom-chan (yes, there was a fic with those names!)._

**Darth Vader Comes To Hogwarts - **_Reference - Last paragraph._

**Author's Too Lazy To Write A Proper Hat-Song - **_Reference - Last paragraph in the Hogwarts Hat 'Song'._

**Blaise Zabini's Mysterious Sex-Change-_Post-J.K.-Interview Girl!Blaise fics_- **_Reference - This girl, was Blaise Zabini. (...) But, who cares about Blaise Zabini? Nobody._

Sorry for such a short chapter!

* * *

**Mary-Sue; A Parody   
**_Chapter 3:- Celicia's 'Prefection'_

The occupents of the Great Hall were shocked, to say the least. In front of them, was a 'supposedly' dead, evil, horror-wrecking villian, wielding dozensof childishly decorated teddy-bears and hearts in hand.

So, what was Blaise Zabini supposed to do? She fainted. But, who cares? Precisely. Nobody.

"W-ell?" Darth Vader shouted at the agape and dumbfounded students and teachers. "Fine! No-one wants my lovely cookies! I took_ forever_ on making them!" he sulked like a little kid.

"Erm.." Dumbledore spoke awkwardly to everyone in the room. "H-here's our new...Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, or more likely... Our new Simple-minded Thick-headed Unintelligent Preposterous Imbecilic andDunce-like teacher!" he finished with a slight twinkle in hislight blue eyes.

Shortly after Professor Dumbledore's explanation, whispered conversation began amongst both teachers and pupils in the large Great Hall. Snatches of said conversation could be heard:

"Oh, that's why he's acting so S.T.U.P.I.D.!"   
"I thought he was OOC; this explains everything!"   
"I want a cookie."   
"Go and get one then, Neville!"   
"Are you a member of S.T.U.P.I.D., Longbottom?"   
"Bugger off, Malfoy!" shouted Ron.

Draco obeyed Ron, reluctantly.He left the Gryfindork house-table alone, and silently made his way towards Celicia and Potty-head.

"Bugger off, Malfoy!"Harry repeated Ron's words with a menacing tone.

"Why should I, Potty-head?"Draco sneered his trademark sneer. "After all, I haven't came to talk to _you. _Me, Prince of Slytherin talking to such a low-life mortal? Ha! In your dreams!"

"Celicia, luv, do you have a pin? I think we need to deflate Malfoy's head, since I doubt he'd be able to leave the Great Hall without it getting stuck in the door."

"'Course, luv, here ya' go!" Celicia conjured a sharp, foot-long pin out of thin air.

"Thanks, luv!" Harry smiled at Celicia, and the advanced towards Draco, large, sharp pin in hand. Just as Harry was about to stab Draco with the over-sized pin, Blaise Zabini happened to get in the way, since she was heading towards Darth Vader to get a cutecookie, before Neville Longbottom got there and scoffed them all.

So, Blaise Zabini was stabbed in the back of the head with an exceptionally enormous, metal pin. But who cares? Exactly. Nobody.

"Whoops, luv..." Harry started.

"No worries, luv!" Celicia waved away the accident, and cured Blaise as she waved. "See, luv, all fixed!"

"Now, luv, where was that pin, again?" she grinned mischeviously at her 'luv'.

Blaise and Draco scarpered.

* * *

Celicia woke up in Harry's warmand muscular arms. She looked around her, and realised that she was in the Gryffindor common room, on a comfortable, red chair which stood beside the crackling, merry fire. She had went to bed shortly after Dumbledore had told all of the students to go to bed, even though that scene hadincomprehensibly disappeared. 

Celicia nudged Harry, softly. "Lu-- er, Harry, we have to get up. It's time to go down for breakfast." Harry mumbled something indistinguishable at Celicia's poking.

She stood up, and de-creased her un-creased, black school robes, and brushed her long, golden curls. For you see, Celicia's infatuation with the colour pink had disappeared, and she now adored a sunshine yellow. After she appliedsome expensivemake-up, she continued poking Harry.

After awhile, she sighed at her feeble atempt at trying to wake Harry up. Instead of unintentionally trying to bruise him with her manicured nails, she climbed down the stairs of the Gryffindor common room, and opened the portrait of the Fat Lady up. She literally glided down the stairs of Hogwarts, and breezed into the Great Hall.

Inside, were almost all of the student and teacher population, allwho werewaiting for her to arrive. Blushing, she walked over to the small, lonely Gryfflerilaw table, and sat down.

After Celicia settled down into her seat, Dumbledore stood up at the teacher's table, and began to rap - erm, rhapsodize.

"Now, finally that Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape has decided to greet us with her lovely, shining, admirable, adorable, agreeable, alluring, amiable, attractive, beauteous, bewitching, captivating, charming, comely, dainty, delectable, delicate, delicious, delightful, dishy, drop-dead gorgeous, enchanting, engaging, enjoyable, exquisite, fair, foxy, graceful, gratifying, handsome, knockout, lovesome, mink, nice, pleasant, pleasing, pretty, pulchritudinous, scrumptious, splendid, stunning, sweet, and stupefying presence," he smiled handsomely at Celicia, who blushed a deep, tomato-red colour.

"I will now announce my announcement, even though Harry Potter - who has probally had an unfortunate heart-attack due to Celicia's heavenly pulchritude - and Darth Vader - who is currently banned fromtheGreat Hallfor a short period of time, due to the fact that he's on a sugar-high, along with Neville Longbottom."

"Hermione Granger," Dumbledore said, alerting Hermione. "I ban you from the status of a Prefect. You now are just an inexperienced (of magic!), low-lifed Mudblood. And a member of S.T.U.P.I.D. ." he added.

Hermione just opened her mouth a few times, and then closed it. She was speechless. Her, the top-of-the-class, intelligent, book-lover, study-freak, Hermione Granger, had now had her Prefect postion taken away from her! She was outraged.

"And, taking her place, is now..." Dumbledore paused, adding onto the anxiety and suspense. "Is now..."

"Just say it, goddamnit!" that green-haired, cross-eyed midget who is still absolutely irrevilant to this story, screamed.

Dumbledore smirked, which was Out-Of-Character for him to do so. But then again, almost all of the people in this story are acting OOC.

"That person is," People groaned. "The one and only!" More groaning. "Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape!"

Both applausion and appulsion met Celicia's ears, which were now bright red from her gaining alot of attention. "W--why, t-thank-you, Professor Dumbledore!" she spoke, amazed at the fact that she could get such a brilliant postion in a short amount of time. "Thank-you ever so much for your uttermost cliché-ness -I mean, for your uttermost kindé-ness! I have no idea how I can repay you for this act of benevolence!"

"Oh, I do," Dumbledore's piercing, hungry,cold blue eyes pierced into her now fiery-red, frightened eyes. Dumbledore advanced towards Celicia, who was immobile, aswell as all of the other Hogwarts students and teachers.

As Dumbledore walked, his shhaggy white haired shagged into his face, and he mouthed something that was said in thesentancebefore the last comma, to Celicia... 

* * *

Aah, the suspense! Isn't it killing you all?! And before you think it, the last sentance before the last line, isn't what you may think it is. And, yes, that spelling mistake was put there intentionally. Just hinting! 

Anyway, the count of GA references is quite low. Only one, this time. :( Oh yeah, before I forget, if the formatting has gone wrong in this chapter, don't blame me; blame 's quick edit! 

Please Read & Review!


	4. The Hag and the Romancization of Snape

**Author:**_gamegeek2_  
**Category:** _Humour, Parody_**  
Spoilers:** _PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP_**  
Rating:**_PG13_

**Summary:-**_Meet Celicia Fleur Selina Lyantra Fuschia Harmonicilia Dianthelle Clareisse Aqauria Crystalina Snape; the first American transfer student Hogwarts has ever seen! Join her with her adventures as she befriends the trio, becomes the love interest of Draco Malfoy, Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and many more!_

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. Don't sue me; I haven't got enough money as it is.

**A/N:- **I'm really, really sorry about the lateness and the shortness of this chapter. School is really rough on me now - I've got to write a Christmas Magazine in only one week!

Anyway,two GA references in the last chapter! If you didn't get the A/N in the last chapter, fanfiction . n e t is really messing up all of the formatting up, so sorry if all of the words are in a block paragraph of death, or if there's no spaces.

Also, thanks to **XxXbloody nekoXxX **and **Princess of the Moon** for reviewing!

**'Luv' - **_Reference - "Celicia, luv, do you have a pin? I think we need to deflate Malfoy's head, since I doubt he'd be able to leave the Great Hall without it getting stuck in the door." ... "Now, luv, where was that pin, again?" she grinned mischeviously at her 'luv'._

**Shaggy Hair - **_Reference - As Dumbledore walked, his shhaggy white haired shagged into his face, and he mouthed something that was said in the sentance before the last comma, to Celicia..._

_

* * *

_**Mary-Sue; A Parody**

_Chapter 4:- The Hag and The Romancization of Snape  
_

Celicia's eyes were wide open - like a deer caught in headlights, they were so big. Dumbledore was slowly advancing towards her, mouthing something that was incoherent to Celicia.

Celicia took a few steps back, away from Dumbledore, but she bumped into something solid. Frightened, she turned away from Dumbledore, and saw facing her was...A hag! The hag's dark brown hair was knotted and dirty, covered in a red substance. Its muddy clothes were full of holes varying in size, and were barely suitable enough, there were so many.

Its yellow, rancid, six teeth could be seen from inside the hag's mouth, giving it a cruel and uncaring look.

"Sh! Hag!" Dumbledore tried to quieten Celicia as she started whimpering. Celicia stopped whimpering almost immeadiatly, for she knew that wimpering would damage her reputation.

Celicia turned towards the hag again, and shouted, "_Expecto Patronum!"_, whilst waving her hands effortlessly about,which created a spectral phoenix, dragon, unicorn and fluffy bunny rabbit to form from out of her long and sleek fingers.

The four, powerful animals then began to charge/fly/hop towards the disgusting hag, and began to beat the shit out of it with their powerful fire blast/horn charge/cuteness. Only after a few moments, the startled hag dropped down onto the wooden floor of the Great Hall.

All of the occupents were deeply suprised at this act. Firstly, one teacher began clapping. This continued until almost all of the occupents began clapping - all except for Hermione Granger and Blaise Zabini.

Hermione Granger was too jealous and angry with Celicia to care that performing a spell which is only ment for Dementors and Lethifolds that worked on a hag, nevertheless it created four animals, instead of one.

Blaise Zabini...Well, she wasn't clapping, oh no. Instead, she had rushed up to Celicia who was standing over the hags dead body in the centre of the Great Hall, and began to kiss Celicia briefly on the lips.

She was sent to St. Mungos shortly afterwards, for Celicia's fluffy bunny rabbit had almost killed Blaise with its sweetness. Well, that, and the hundereds of spells that had hit her, all cast by the male population. Including Professor Snape.

* * *

Professor Snape eyed Celicia hungrily through his sparkling, onyx eyes. His soft and grease-free locks of hair drifted lazily in his tanned and creamy face as he continued to eye Celicia, who noticed the attention which 'Sev' was giving her. 

Swooning, and forgetting about her sexily handsome boyfriend, Harry, she ran enthusiastically towards her beloved Gary--AHEM, Sev. Sev welcomed her into his arms immeadiatly, and they began to recite words of utter urpleness:

"Oh Severus darling, I never would have realised the beautiful man beneath that cold, yet sexily endearing exterior would've been this pleasureful, like a heavenly primrose path. I'm glad that you had begun to eye me hungrily, as if you were undressing me mentally, for otherwise, I would not have been to experience this ecstacy that you grace upon me, like a flying dove, flying."

"Celicia lu--love, I am too glad of my teacher-student behaviour to you, for otherwise, this pure bliss would never have changed me. You, have changed me. For I, was once a cold and terrifying, lonely death-eater. But now, with your luxurious presence deep in my envoloping arms, I am a new man. And for that, even though we've only been together for about one minute in which we have been exchanging a load of utter crap, I love you, truly, madly, deeply."

The whole population of Hogwarts 'aww'ed at the deeply emotional, and OOC scene before them. Except for Harry, because he was shocked that Celicia had left him for a greasy and slimy scumbag, Hermione, who was still outraged and Celicia for her Prefect status being taken abruptly away from her, and Ginny, who was only partially angry, because now that Celicia had broken up with her secret love.

And Blaise Zabini, because she was currently in St. Mungos, being scared to death by a big, purple dragon which went by the name of 'Barney'.

* * *

**A/N:- **Three GA references this time! Hope you find them all! :) 


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